Traditionally, who pays for the wedding?

There’s no question that weddings are expensive. And, with the average UK wedding costing about £20,000 it’s essential to have a clear idea about who pays for the wedding, before you do any planning.

To help, we’ve put together a complete breakdown of every aspect of the big day, with who traditionally pays versus what modern couples often do now. Your attitudes to tradition, as well as your financial circumstances (and those of your families), will play a big part in who pays for the wedding. Also, there are no right or wrong ways to do it. Just make sure everyone knows what they’re paying for - and is happy with it! And, most importantly, make sure you stick to your budget. That way you can start married life happy, in love and with no money worries. 

Before you start budgeting, check out our invaluable wedding planning checklist, as well our other handy budget guides, to help you decide where to spend and where to save. Then read on to discover the new rules regarding the big day bills…

Should the bride's family cover most of the costs?

Let’s address this tricky question head on. Hundreds of years ago it was traditional for the bride’s family to pay the groom’s family a dowry to help the couple establish their new life. However, before you insist your parents start saving, this hasn’t been popular in the UK since the 19th Century. 

What’s more, when you take into account same-sex marriages, where there may be two or no brides, you start to see that this tradition is a little outdated! Modern couples tend to share the bills, often based on each family’s ability to pay, while also covering (on average) at least half the cost themselves. There’s no longer an expectation that the bride’s family will pay more.

So, who pays for the wedding?

Below is our breakdown of the different parts of the day with who traditionally paid and who often pays now. The old-fashioned rules are also based on there being a bride and groom. So, whether that’s you or you’re a LGBTQ+ couple, it a good idea to simply use the following as rough guide to ensure a fair and even split between yourselves and your families.

Traditional costs were split like this...

The bride

• The groom’s wedding ring
• Accommodation for the bridal party
• Wedding party gifts

The bride’s family

• Invitations
• Wedding dress and accessories
• Flowers and buttonholes
• Ceremony
• The reception party and catering
• Transport
• Wedding photographer/videographer

The groom

• Bride’s engagement and wedding rings
• Groom’s suit
• Accommodations for the groomsmen
• Wedding party gifts

The groom’s family

• Officiant fee and marriage licence
• Rehearsal dinner costs
• DJ/band and drinks for the reception
• Honeymoon

The new rules

However, much of the above is outdated, so below we’ve covered how modern couples tend to split the bills instead…

BEFORE THE WEDDING

Engagement party/Rehearsal dinner: Traditionally the bride’s family would pay for the engagement party and the groom’s family would pay for the rehearsal dinner. In British marriage traditions, rehearsal dinners are less common. Couples also normally cover the costs of an engagement party themselves, which can be as formal or informal as budget allows.

Hen/Stag do: Traditionally the costs of the hen and stag do are covered by your friends, who would also chip in to cover the costs of the hen/stag. However, if you have your heart set on an all expenses paid trip to Vegas this is probably a little unfair. Today there are no set rules and it will depend on the activities planned. Just make sure you and your friends discuss all the options and what everyone expects/can afford early on.

OUTFITS

Bridal party outfits: Traditionally the bride’s family paid for the bridesmaids' outfits and the groom’s family paid for the groom’s suit and those of his party. Today the couple often cover these costs, so check out our gorgeous bridesmaids dress and equally affordable matching accessories for the guys.

The dress: Historically the bride’s family bought her beautiful dress and this is a tradition that is often still followed (although it’s obviously not compulsory). However, with our affordable designs from as little as £599, this is certainly one your family might still be happy to cover! 

Wedding rings: Your rings are a very personal thing. The tradition here is that the bride pays for the groom’s rings and the groom pays for the bride’s, which is a very sweet idea that couples often still follow.

Hair and makeup: This is a relatively new cost, so there isn’t really a tradition to follow although it would probably fall to the bride's family. Modern couples tend to cover this one themselves.

THE CEREMONY

Cermoney Fees / Officiant Fee: Previously the bride’s family were responsible for the ceremony venue and the music while the groom’s family would cover the marriage license and officiant’s fee.

Photography: Another one that used to fall to the bride’s family, today couples usually choose and pay for the photographer themselves.

Transport: One for the bride’s family traditionally, this is now often split between families. Although, if you’re arriving in a high-end sports car or helicopter you might need to fork out for that one yourselves!

THE RECEPTION

Venue: This is usually the single biggest cost of the day and would traditionally have been covered by the bride’s family. These days it’s quite an ask to expect one family to cover this themselves, so couples tend to share this cost between both families and themselves. 

Flowers/Cake/Decor/Catering: The bride’s family were also expected to cover the cake, decor and wedding breakfast. They would also pay for the flowers, except for the bride’s bouquet, which romantically the groom would often pay for. As with the venue, all these items account for a hefty chunk of the budget, so modern couples tend to split the costs as fairly as possible between themselves and their families. Although, we rather like the tradition of the groom buying the bride’s flowers!

Entertainment/drinks: The grooms family used to be responsible for the drinks and entertainment at the reception. As before, these are now costs that are often shared between everyone who’s paying. Also, there’s no expectation of a free bar at a wedding. If funds are tight, your guests will understand and be happy to pay for their own drinks. Alternatively, you might put a lump sum behind the bar to cover the initial drinks before guests start paying themselves. 

Accommodation: Modern guests expect to pay for their own accommodation. That said, if you are able to negotiate a good rate with your venue or other local hotels it’s always appreciated. If funds allow, you may want to cover the costs of accommodation for close family members. Traditionally, the groom’s family would pay for the wedding night hotel room for the newlyweds.

Gifts for parents/bridesmaids etc: Thank you gifts are an essential, particularly for anyone who is helping you pay for the wedding. Gifts are normally paid for by the happy couple, so check out our great value selection here.

THE HONEYMOON

The Honeymoon: Lastly, who pays for the honeymoon? Traditionally, the groom planned and paid for the honeymoon, however modern couples tend to plan together and split the costs. Also, it’s now perfectly acceptable to ask for contributions toward the honeymoon in lieu of wedding gifts (as couples often already have a home together). So, if you have no need for a full dinner set or lots of toasters, why not consider asking your guests to help out with the holiday of a lifetime instead?

The modern way to work out who pays for the wedding

So, we’ve covered the traditional vs the modern way to do it, but how do you actually agree who pays for the wedding. Let’s finish on a few top tips…

1. Prioritise

Before setting your budget or speaking to your families, work out what matters to you as a couple. Do you care most about the food and the music or have you always dreamed of a fabulous cake? Working out what you want to prioritise will let you know where the majority of your budget needs to go and where you can cut back.

2. Be realistic about what you can afford

Today couples often cover at least half the cost of the wedding themselves. So, be realistic about you can afford, both with and without family help. 

3. Speak to your families

If you’re hoping they will contribute, do this sooner rather than later. Talking about money can be awkward, so approach the conversation by asking if they can contribute rather than assuming it. If they are willing to contribute a lump sum, that’s great. If not, maybe suggest they pay for specific costs.

4. Confirm expectations early

Make sure everyone has a clear understanding of their commitments and that you’re all in agreement.  

5. Agree who can have input

Accepting money from family can come with strings attached, as they may want a say on what you spend it on. How happy you are with this will depend on you and your circumstances. Be as clear as you can on what they can and can’t have a say on. If it’s not going well, then you may want to try and find more funds yourself to avoid this problem!

6. Keep them in the loop

Lastly, clear and honest communication is key. Some older family members may not be aware how much some wedding items costs these days. So, let your families know early on what you intend to spend their money on and how quickly you will need the funds.

So, rules or no rules?

When it comes to who pays for the wedding, will you follow tradition or toss out the rules? There’s no obligation to follow tradition any more. It’s up to you and your families to decide who pays for what. Ideally so everyone is happy and no-one, including you, is spending beyond their means. Whatever you do, just remember it’s your day to do your way, whoever pays the bills. 

Click here for tips on who pays for the wedding in our wedding guides and here for our ultimate wedding planning checklist. Don’t forget, you can also find lots more wedding ideas from our brilliant real life brides, too. Finally, for more inspiration, check out our Instagram, Facebook or TikTok accounts.