Everything you need to know about… humanist weddings

Looking for something truly personal for your ceremony? Then humanist weddings might be the answer. They offer a service that’s non-religious and very unique to each couple. Numbers are also increasing across the UK, as modern couples look for new ways to affirm their love for each other.

To help you decide, we’ve put together an essential guide to humanist weddings, so you can work out if one is right for you…

What is a humanist wedding?

Humanists UK, is a charity that represents the longest established celebrant network in the UK. It describes a humanist wedding as a non-religious ceremony that is welcoming, inclusive and personally tailored to you.

The wedding ceremony is conducted by a trained celebrant. They take time to get to know you as a couple and then write and deliver a meaningful ceremony, focusing on your love story and the things that are important to you as a couple. It can be traditional or non-traditional, and as formal or informal as you like and can take place at almost any location. It can also include anything you want, from singing and hand fasting rituals to pets and poetry.

Josie and Mike married at a hidden woodland venue. “Our ceremony was very different. As we had already married at the local registry office we had lots of fun! We made vows to our guests and they made vows to us. We also read our own vows to each other and we physically tied the knot with a hand-fasting ceremony. Everyone said how relaxed and enjoyable our ceremony was - we wanted anything but boring.”

A humanist ceremony can also take place in any location at any time of day, so you can choose anywhere from your back garden to the beach. Stephanie and Theo chose a converted church in Edinburgh “It's such an incredibly stunning venue, right in the heart of the city centre,” says Stephanie. “It looks like a cathedral in Italy or something. It was the only venue we viewed and immediately fell in love.”

What do humanists believe?

If you’re non-religious, you may already have many humanist beliefs. Simply put, humanists believe that people can achieve happiness and live a good life without religion. They believe that this life is the only life we have and that it can be ethical and fulfilling based on reason and humanity. Values such as treating others with equality, fairness and humanity are important to humanists, who think they come from human nature rather than rules dictated by a religion. 

Are humanist weddings legal?

It depends where you live in the UK. Humanist weddings are legally recognised in Scotland, Northern Ireland and Jersey, but are not currently legal in England and Wales (where you'll also need to have a short and inexpensive service at your local registry office). 

Lisa and Scott married outdoors on the Isle of Skye. “My celebrant met me at the location and I was piped in by bagpipes. We had a humanist ceremony, as we wanted something very personalised and it truly was, filled with so many stories and happy memories. My brother Craig gave a reading and we also had a hand-fastening ceremony to truly ‘tie the knot’. We drank from a Quaich, a traditional Scottish friendship cup, and ended with a Celtic reading.”

Civil ceremony, humanist wedding or independent celebrant?

A humanist wedding is different from a civil ceremony in that it’s entirely personalised to you, with few restrictions on the content. It can also take place anytime and anywhere you like. Couples tend to have an affinity with humanist beliefs and don’t include religious content but that can be discussed with your celebrant.

Alternatively, civil ceremonies must be performed at a registry office or a licensed venue and have strict rules regarding the content and duration of the ceremony. There can also be no religious aspect to the words or music. 

However, if you would like some religious aspects, you might prefer an independent celebrant. Humanist weddings can include mentions of religion but an independent celebrant is able to conduct a service that includes plenty of religious content and rituals. 

What happens in a humanist ceremony

In a humanist ceremony you can stick to tradition or break with it. Couples often include vows, readings and poems, alongside symbolic rituals such as hand fasting, knot-tying or lighting a unity candle. Your celebrant will also create a bespoke ceremony script that tells your story with plenty of emotion and humour.

“Both my mum and dad walked me down the aisle, accompanied by bagpipes,” says Lauran “We had a traditional Scottish ceremony, including hand fasting and drinking from the Quaich. We also wrote our own vows and our humanist made the ceremony so personal and a great reflection of who we are as a couple.”

Polly and Jason were already legally married, so had a celebrant lead their ceremony. “My brother and sister and both our mums 'gave us away', in a twist to tradition. The ceremony was full of warmth and laughter and love and personal touches. We also had a wine box ceremony, where we sealed the same champagne we'd drunk the day we got engaged, to open a year later. We also wrote our own vows and hearing Jason's was the highlight for me. They were so sweet and touching, and so personal to us.”

How do I choose a celebrant?

Your celebrant has the responsibility of sharing your unique story and putting into words some of your most powerful feelings. So, it’s important you get on and feel comfortable together. They also need to understand your vision for the day.

With that in mind, make sure you meet your celebrant in person or via video link before you book them. Each one will bring their own personality to the day, so think about what you want before your start your search. Humanists UK has more advice and a nationwide list of accredited celebrants, so start your search here. 

Once you’ve booked someone they will arrange to meet with you for a couple hours, so they can ask you lots of questions about your lives and your story. They may also help you choose poems and readings, and you’ll work together to create a plan for your service. They’ll then go away and write your unique ceremony.

“We had the best humanist ceremony, officiated by Emma Bailie,” says Victoria. “She was amazing and even involved some of our guests in our couple's story.” 

How much does a humanist ceremony cost?

Celebrants set their own fees, so prices will depend on location, experience and local supply. Fees also reflect the time the celebrant has spent getting to know you and crafting your ceremony. As a rough guide, prices range from £450 up to £1,500 for a wedding ceremony. 

When should I book?

As with all of the most important things at your wedding, you should try and book your celebrant as soon as you can. The most experienced celebrants are often booked up to a year in advance.

What should I wear?

A humanist ceremony is totally personalised to you, so your outfit should be as well. That said, it’s often a relaxed ceremony and if you’re marrying outdoors a beautiful bohemian design will look amazing. However, something sleek and modern or a stunning princess ballgown is equally appropriate!

Abbey chose a striking lace mermaid design for her humanist ceremony. “I loved the silhouette, the blush undertone and the dramatic train,” says Abbey. “This dress made me feel like a total princess and I absolutely loved it. My bridesmaids all had different navy dresses from wed2b and each and every style was beautiful and made them feel a million dollars.”

Choices, choices

So, is a humanist wedding right for you? If you like the sound of a non-religious, personal ceremony tailored to you and your partner then it may well  be. Check out our other ceremony guides too, before you make your decision. You can also find lots more information on humanist weddings at Humanists UK. And, if you do decide this style of ceremony is for you, then please share your story with us too. We’d love to hear all about it!

Click here for lots more wedding ceremony ideas from our brilliant real life brides. Also, for more inspiration, check out our Instagram, Facebook or TikTok accounts.